The Beauty Of Having Your Own Back
I saw a post recently that said, “I love friends that get angrier than you do about your situation.” You know that friend. The one who will back you up in a bar fight, watch your kids so you can have a date night with your spouse, but will also tell you to get your butt to the gym because you said you wanted to lose 10 pounds. She makes things happen and she 100 percent has your back. We love this friend and there is no question she loves us. Do you know that girl? The bigger question is, are you that girl for yourself?
The bar fight example may be a bit extreme, but if we truly want to grow and evolve, it is imperative that we learn how to have our own back. I talk to my clients about this concept a lot. But what does it really mean and how can we apply it each and every day?
Having our own back.
It is about giving our absolute best to ourselves because we have so much self love. Not in the sense that we are arrogant or selfish but in the way that we look out for ourselves because we owe ourselves self-respect.
It is about being strong, even when it is hard. It is about taking action for ourselves even when other people try to convince us otherwise. This might look like finishing up tasks at work even though your friends are begging you to come to happy hour.
It means making a decision for yourself, sticking to it and not questioning yourself about the decision later. Perhaps, you are debating going back to school. You know it will make life a lot more hectic but you also want to be able to re-enter the workforce once your children are out of the house. If you decide your goal is important, you don’t look back or think about dropping out when things get busy. You give yourself some grace and recognize that this is what you signed up for. People who make a decision and always stick to it like the reasons behind the decision, and they only pivot if it is imperative to accomplishing their goal.
Having your own back is about standing up for yourself in situations and not deviating from what is important to you. It means making plans, sticking to our plans and living strategically so we are not wasting time.
Having our own back ultimately means we know we are in the driver’s seat and we are the CEO of our own lives. Things don’t happen to us, we make things happen. Everything we do is intentional.
It is also doing what you said you were going to do, no matter how hard it is and no matter how much negative emotion comes up in the process. This means pressing through on a goal you have set for yourself even if you feel unmotivated, tired or drained. If the goal is important to you, you show up for yourself despite the way you feel in the moment. Another way of saying this is that we always honor the commitments that we make to ourselves. If for some reason, we decide not to honor our commitments, we truly love the reasons for backing out.
It is also important that we give ourselves grace and lots of love when we screw up, recognizing that we are human, and not beating ourselves up about whatever it is. Having your own back means allowing yourself to recognize the journey you are on and, although you are not perfect, you are getting better and wiser every single day.
Having your own back is knowing who you really are and being proud of that person regardless of what other people think. Occasionally, we may say “no” to social situations knowing people may talk about us in our absence. Not caring what other people think is critical, because we know we can’t control them. So, why would we try?
It means saying “no” when you mean “no” and saying “yes” when you truly mean “yes.” For example, you may need to say “no” to heading up the PTA if you don’t have the wiggle room in your schedule. At the same time, you may say “yes” to a yoga class because it will make you a better wife and mother physically, mentally and emotionally.
Having our own back ultimately means we know we are in the driver’s seat and we are the CEO of our own lives. Things don’t happen to us, we make things happen. Everything we do is intentional.
Let me tell you, friend, this doesn’t always come easy. But, it is a skill everyone can learn. Like anything else, it just takes consistent practice. It means getting in touch with who you really are, who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world.
If we are continually saying “yes,” but really mean “no,” we are not being honest with ourselves or the people on the other side of our answer. Having our own back only works when we truly respect ourselves and the people around us. It is about having integrity. This is not about never being wrong, or fighting for things that don’t matter. It is about making conscious, intentional decisions about what is important to you. It means being honest about it, and not being swayed into action or inaction in ways that don’t serve you. When you show up as the true authentic YOU, only then are you showing love and respect to both yourself and those around you.
Sometimes we need to explore and compare the way we treat ourselves to the way we treat a loved one or a best friend. Frequently we treat friends and family in ways that are better than we treat ourselves. This is a subject I frequently need to explore with clients, especially those who tend to put everyone else’s needs ahead of their own.
We almost need to think of ourselves as that loved one. We have so much admiration and respect for them that we would only treat them with the highest regard. This is the regard we need to be giving ourselves.
I love this concept because it generates such confidence and self-esteem once individuals truly embrace it. We are all so very worthy, just the way we are, exactly as we have been created. We need to make sure we show up in true worthiness and have our own back every single day. It is actually a beautiful thing. When our cup is full, we can then pour into others.
If you are intrigued or excited about the possibility of this concept and how it can make your life better, contact me today. I would love to help you explore making this happen in your own life.
